Why Apology is a Critical Leadership Skill

They’re broad, vague, meaningless turns-of-phrase, lovingly crafted by armies of lawyers hired by corporate shareholders to clean up whatever mess was purposefully made by a business in an attempt to maximize profits while minimizing effort.

Announcing how serious something is—that’s a backhanded implication that the wrongdoing was actually just a misunderstanding of the company’s priorities—an offense that can be papered over just by stating the opposite.

If a company is going to push the limits of ethics or morals, the leader needs to be ready to justify their position—to say, “we took the risk because we believed it was worth the reward.” This is especially true when that risk falls onto someone else’s head, like their employees or customers.

Now look, I’m no socialist, far from it, but there’s capitalism and then there’s chicanery. And it’s time to start calling out these statements for what they represent, a total lack of leadership—and one that should be a fireable offense first and apologized for later.

Here’s what decades of building company culture (the real kind, not the peace-love-dope kind) has taught me: If a company has a list of priorities, it should be clear about what those priorities are, to everyone in the company.

Because experience has also taught me that the CEO—or even the executive team—are rarely  the ones who are actually making the types of “mistakes” that wind up doing harm to unsuspecting third parties. 

Creating a culture that lives those priorities means more than just stating them or slapping them on a website. And when CEOs or executive teams, by their actions, signal that profits rule above all else, direct reports are going to take the hint. It cascades down, all the way down to the person who is supposed to turn the wrench one extra time to lock the bolt in place.

Don’t get me wrong. I say nice things to my customers all the time. I constantly tell them how much I appreciate them. I even like some of them, the ones I know personally. But it’s also clear to me that our relationship is transactional, maybe not purely so, but it’s a weak move and a cheat to lean into the good feelings that come along with a healthy transactional relationship.

We want something from each other, my company and my customers. And yes, there is a long marketing tradition of playing on emotions to open wallets, but again, the line is very clear between capitalism and con game. 

There’s an episode of The Office where the titular paper company delivers paper stock with an obscene image in the watermark. Stephen Carrell’s Michael Scott brings in a customer to make a big show of his apology and his taking of the full responsibility in front of the press, offering the customer a discount on future purchases or whatever.

It’s taking full responsibility at your own expense—personal expense if required. If a company leader is not prepared to make that kind of sacrifice, they shouldn’t take full responsibility for the company’s actions. And if they’re not prepared to take full responsibility for their company’s actions, they shouldn’t be leading that company.

They say lead, follow, or get out of the way. Over my career I’ve spent plenty of time leading and plenty of time following, but I’ve also gotten the hell out of the way once or twice. Because sometimes, the only way to avoid making a “mistake” is to not be in the room, or at the company, when the “mistake” is being planned.Oh, by the way, I take your readership very seriously. And I take full responsibility for the tone of this column. If you’ll forgive me, you might consider joining my email list.