Save Your Reputation: Don't Like Your Employees Too Much

One of the most underestimated influences on reputation is not just your likability but how much you like others. How gushingly you respond to the charm of colleagues, suppliers, clients, investors, or even bosses sends important signals.

In a data-driven world, we assume rational thought governs our decisions. But personal appeal frequently overshadows objective criteria. Left unchecked, this threatens your reputation and integrity as a leader. This is about your personal brand.

It’s not entirely your fault. We gravitate toward people who make us feel good or make us laugh. Psychologically, likability triggers trust, empathy, and cooperation—fundamental elements of social bonding. You’re more inclined to show kindness or privilege to those who you perceive as similar, charismatic or funny.

Likability opens doors, especially in sales and customer service. It’s why friendly relationship managers front deals and often lead high-stakes negotiations. It’s how Oprah Winfrey’s warmth and authenticity built a billion-dollar empire. It’s why many admired New Zealand’s former Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern for her empathetic style during the pandemic. 

In my 30 years in business, I’ve seen popular colleagues receive far more recognition and opportunity than their less charismatic counterparts. It’s not surprising. Studies suggest that even physical height predicts success more than competence or experience.

Hiring managers will choose an entertaining or interesting candidate over an equally competent candidate. A university researched found that 92 percent of leaders witness colleagues showing favoritism during promotions, yet 77 percent of leaders deny they treat people differently. 

Consider disgraced Theranos founder Elizabeth Holmes. Before her downfall, her ability to convince investors and venture capitalists secured $700 million in funding, fooling seasoned professionals and decorated politicians. She partnered with major organizations like Walgreens, despite deeply flawed blood-testing technology.

Venture capitalists once adored WeWork’s Adam Neumann. His personal appeal inspired investors to a peak valuation of $47 billion. Less charismatic founders may struggle to gain buy-in or investment for their innovative ideas. How many graveyards are littered with good ideas?

Contrast this with whistleblowers in the “outgroup” who struggle to be heard. For instance, quirky fraud investigator Harry Markopolos tried to expose Bernie Madoff’s Ponzi scheme for nine years and was ignored, as was hedge-fund manager Michael Burry who predicted the 2008 financial crisis. People tune out those they don’t particularly like. This can backfire.

When you like someone too much, professional blind spots occur. You might be tempted to give too many second chances. While it feels magnanimous, it can reduce diversity and create discontent. Left-out employees feel undervalued—they never forget, the experience permanently etched in memory.

As I wrote in my book Tune In: How to Make Smarter Decisions In a Noisy World (Harriman House, 2024), people tune in too much to individuals they like or feel an affinity with. This tendency creates a halo effect where you can over-attribute success to areas outside their expertise. A risk environment results where issues get overlooked, accountability is avoided, and mistakes are downplayed. 

As a leader, open displays of likability selectively motivate but also shape implicit perception. While a winning smile will always appeal, leaders must consciously contain their response relative to others. By counteracting these human tendencies, you make fairer decisions and preserve your hard-earned reputation.