20 Ways to Strengthen Your Friendships, According to Psychology

Americans face many challenges, from social division to the climate crisis to tech disruption—but one challenge is probably making dealing with all the others just a little more difficult. America is in a friendship drought.

According to the May 2021 American Perspectives Survey of more than 2,000 adults, “12% of Americans report having no friends, up from under 3% in the 1990s,” reports Big Think. The American Time Use Survey shows that before 2013, we spent an average of 15 hours a week with friends and family. By 2021, that amount had halved.

Why that might be is a complex question. But our unrooted, tech-enabled, homebound lifestyles certainly aren’t helping. Science shows that developing friendships takes time and lots of unplanned interaction. The design of modern neighborhoods and work lives generally makes bumping into each other and having a nice chat far less likely. 

I probably don’t need to underline for you what a bummer this is. Most adults feel it in their bones. But if you want official acknowledgement that friends are valuable, you can look to the Surgeon’s General’s warnings about America’s loneliness crisis, studies showing that loneliness is nearly as harmful for your health as smoking, or psychologists who say that friends are among the best mood boosters and stress reducers around. 

Add that up and what do you get? A strong case to both make more friends and strengthen the friendships that you already have. How do you do that? Systemic changes to how we build our communities, run our companies, and sort out our political differences are going to be key. This isn’t just on individuals to solve alone. 

But while we work together towards these larger shifts, experts say there are plenty of things you can do to strengthen your friendships right now (plenty of entrepreneurs are also offering to lend a hand). I’ve written about some of them before, but a new study out of my local University of Nicosia does friendship-starved adults the favor of putting these tips and strategies all in one place. 

The team surveyed more than 600 adults to come up with a comprehensive list of ways people go about cementing their friendships. Some are culturally specific to the Greek world (not everyone is going to ask a friend to be their child’s godparent, for example), but many are sensible and actionable for all. Here are 20 ways to strengthen your bonds (I’ve added links to experts or studies offering more information on many): 

These aren’t, of course, wildly innovative ideas you’ve never heard before. As researcher Mariana Bockarova points out on Psychology Today, “many of us instinctively use some of these behaviors to strengthen our friendships.” But adult lives are busy and atomized and it’s sometimes hard to remember to do what you know you should.  

“By intentionally approaching our friendships, we can foster stronger, more meaningful relationships that can stand the test of time,” Bockarova says. This list of ideas for how to do that can get you started.